Just so the people around me who always think i'm too low or too laid-back know, NEWSFLASH : i'm taking my studies more seriously now.
No, seriously.
This comes from the girl who was so busy falling in stupid monkey love and then scored nothing short of pure embarassment in my spm.
Now this girl's back to evade the glorious world of nerdiness and book piles without so much of a care of finding the non-existent joy in her life.
Oh, my mum's gonna be so proud and supportive if she reads this.
More than anything else, now i want to concentrate on pleasing not just myself, but also my parents with my oh-so-excellent grades and outstanding achievement, academic- and socialwise.
So that my folks finally have something they are actually proud to talk about at our next family get-together.
Hah! In your face, bloody proud aunties and uncles!
Well, i can't really say that just yet, i've still got a lot to work for and to prove.
It's not that i've been doing really bad in my last two final semester exams, but they were not that sky-high, either.
I've got to be outstanding, for god's sake! 3.5 is not going to make it!!
Nowadays, even scoring a 4.00 doesn't make u a knowledge saint.
So i'm practically trying to balance between mind-boggling grades as well as being recognized for various social works and faculty projects.
Sounds greedy, i know, but it's worth it.
All my life, i've been told by on-screen mums to shoot for the stars and aim for the moon,..
But i've never really wanted anything so badly in life (academic wise) like i want it now.
Jealousy and past resentment of high-achievers cousins and friends are what drives my passion now.
I just wanna be (more than) them and nothing else.
So my "very ambitious" academic target and plans now have evoluted from "Sleep, play and score average" to "No sleep, no play and score over-the-roof". I even have short and long term goals as well as personal/national records that i wish to break.
One of them is to obtain a PhD by 22.
But to do that, i have to graduate from my degree program with an overall score of 3.67 at the very least so that i can skip doing masters and straight away begin doing my PhD when i'm 21.
But currently, with 2 semesters down, i'm still weak at 3.22.
Ughh...the pressure that comes with that...
If i'm telling the truth though, i doubt that's even possible.
But when the images of those people who thought so ground-low of me pop into mind, oh how i wish i could just kill them all and stay where i am, an average-achiever.
But for now, i think i'm just gonna stick to the impossible.
I'm gonna turn that impossible to possible.
And i'm gonna need luck, prayers and seriousness...
(see, i give myself a better pep-talk than anyone else can!)
Let's give me, say, another 2 years to prove that. then if you dont see me ever again, u'll know that i've shoot myself and go to hell.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
my life's over. Or has it ever even started...??
When all those tight-knitted and whatever close cousins of yours have all slowly grown up and got married one after another, you can't help feeling a little bit left out.
At least when you are the only child and the only people closest to siblings that you ever had are your cousins, it does feel that way.
The third wedding of my cousin from my mom's side was just over the last 2 days. It seems like every year, 1 cousin would get married and would be bringing their newborn on the next family wedding. Really, as much as i enjoy seeing them found their eternal lives, i still couldnt help but wonder when and how things will turn out for me in the end.
Things are just different when your closest cousins have settled down and have kids; you no longer have that much time to go all crazy-talk with them, all those late night movie-watching - just gone. Suddenly in its place is babies crying, babies this, babies that. It's not that i hate those little tots, they are the best thing that ever happen to me, god bless them both, Baby Wana & Baby Naqib, but it's just so heartbreaking to see all these people once so close to you all moved on and have an actual life when all you are in right now is a huge pile of mess. You can neither go in or get out. You're just stuck between real life and doom. I have an eternity in front of me waiting to be discovered, still so much to be learned, so many people to get to know, so much...life. But i think that's just exactly what i'm missing. Life.
I dont have a life.
Unless if you call waking up at 11 during the hols, straight away have brunch, watch tv, read some novels and surfing some websites is a life, then i have a life.
But i doubt that.
Life, just like love, is such a big word with an even huge-r meaning. But i cant seem to get to the depth of it.
Let's review, shall we?
Well, I dont have a secret admirer, i live in a dead village with not so much as a place for teens like me to hang out and have FUN, i have no friends back at home, i dont go out much, there's not even a cinema to catch the latest movies in, no malls, no bowling arcades whatsoever, no place selling the kind of food i actually eat and the kind of apparel i actually wear.
Really, this is just the beginning of my whole, pathetic, no-life life.
Somehow, weddings just got me crankier in the end.
Or in other words, it just makes me jealous because other people have found their life and i dont.
I cant believe how much my life (IF it even deserves to be called that) sucks.
But i cant complain, i'm stuck here anyway, remember?
At least when you are the only child and the only people closest to siblings that you ever had are your cousins, it does feel that way.
The third wedding of my cousin from my mom's side was just over the last 2 days. It seems like every year, 1 cousin would get married and would be bringing their newborn on the next family wedding. Really, as much as i enjoy seeing them found their eternal lives, i still couldnt help but wonder when and how things will turn out for me in the end.
Things are just different when your closest cousins have settled down and have kids; you no longer have that much time to go all crazy-talk with them, all those late night movie-watching - just gone. Suddenly in its place is babies crying, babies this, babies that. It's not that i hate those little tots, they are the best thing that ever happen to me, god bless them both, Baby Wana & Baby Naqib, but it's just so heartbreaking to see all these people once so close to you all moved on and have an actual life when all you are in right now is a huge pile of mess. You can neither go in or get out. You're just stuck between real life and doom. I have an eternity in front of me waiting to be discovered, still so much to be learned, so many people to get to know, so much...life. But i think that's just exactly what i'm missing. Life.
I dont have a life.
Unless if you call waking up at 11 during the hols, straight away have brunch, watch tv, read some novels and surfing some websites is a life, then i have a life.
But i doubt that.
Life, just like love, is such a big word with an even huge-r meaning. But i cant seem to get to the depth of it.
Let's review, shall we?
Well, I dont have a secret admirer, i live in a dead village with not so much as a place for teens like me to hang out and have FUN, i have no friends back at home, i dont go out much, there's not even a cinema to catch the latest movies in, no malls, no bowling arcades whatsoever, no place selling the kind of food i actually eat and the kind of apparel i actually wear.
Really, this is just the beginning of my whole, pathetic, no-life life.
Somehow, weddings just got me crankier in the end.
Or in other words, it just makes me jealous because other people have found their life and i dont.
I cant believe how much my life (IF it even deserves to be called that) sucks.
But i cant complain, i'm stuck here anyway, remember?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Ugly Truth
Remember those times when we were not yet coming off age, we were often told off and not allowed to do LOTS of things just because we weren’t old enough? As children, we were only curious to try out new things but when restricted or being put behind a certain boundary, that just killed the development and the experimental side of us.
You used to get this all the time,
“You can do that when you are 18.”
“You can’t do this, you can’t do that; you’re not old enough!”
And we were left in absolute confusion, silently wondering when exactly were we gonna be “old enough”.
Remember how much resentment you felt for adults then, for coming up with so many rules it was just becoming more and more ridiculous and impossible for you to live a free life? We know exactly just how much that feeling sucks. As stinking as it is, parents just can’t help being overprotective toward their offspring, I guess. Ever heard of “No matter how much you’ve grown, you’ll always be our little girl/boy/baby”?
But we were so young, and all we wanted in life was to grow up so that no one can tell us what to and what NOT to do. We thought that “FREEDOM” is such a big word and that it carries such a huge meaning. We were looking for exactly that. Poor us kids, how clueless we were then, we had no idea how much being adults stink twice as much. But who can blame us, they were putting us under curfew and all those ridiculous rules you might as well just go to jail and grow up there.
But what I am trying to say here is, being told that you are not old enough to be doing something is one thing; being told that you are TOO OLD for something is another!
When we were just all-smiles-no-worries happy feet, we were deeply crushed when adults told us we cannot have a pet because we are not old enough to handle such a huge responsibility.
When we are much older, nobody would ever tell us we are too big for bottles and playgrounds; we just kinda stopped on our own accord. When the time comes, we just know when to stop doing certain things, simply because IT’S NOT MATURE.
But we know some things are okay for all ages, for example,
ice cream.
Nobody is too old for ice cream.
Nobody WOULD EVER be too old for any kind of food.
It’s a simple indulgence everyone has the right to enjoy.
Though the taste may become more mature, (for example, as a kid, you used to like those colorful, sugary, simply-zero-nutrient ice pops, but now that you can afford it, you crave for those rich Belgian chocolate guilty pleasures from Haagen-Dazs), the subject is still ICE CREAM.
Back to the subject when we were all claimed to be "Not Old Enough", do these lines sound familiar??
Before you were 14, you weren’t allowed to wander around without holding mommy’s hand,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 16, you weren’t allowed to have boyfriends,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 17, you weren’t allowed to drive,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 18, you weren’t allowed to watch racy scenes or 18SX movies,
Why?
I SAID, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH.!!!
But once you are 18, although you are now eligible to do most of the things you so badly wanted to do as a kid, you have to admit, you don’t feel like doing all of that anymore. You seem to have even forgotten what you were dying and planned to do once you come off age.
Although most of the restrictions set for you during your childhood years has now been lifted, there are still A LOT of things you CAN NO LONGER do as a young adult.
Now you find yourself wishing you had enjoyed your childhood times even more, because then, you were so focused of doing something you couldn’t do rather than enjoying to the fullest what you actually could.
Now,
You wish you had more time on the slides and swings;
You wish you played with your dolls more;
You wish you spent most of the hot afternoons going all-bare and run in your underwear across the sprinkler-washed lawn:
You wish you played more in the rain until you caught a cold because then everyone would make such a big fuss over you and pamper you like a princess;
You wish you cried and whined more because you know people will actually pay attention to your every silly woe then;
But now that you are older,
If you get on the swings and slides together with other children, you will only get stares and even glares from parents,
If you play with your dollies and make up silly dialogues among them people would label you crackers,
If you go around dancing in the rain half-naked the police will throw you into jail,
If you play in the rain and get sick you will have to fend for yourself cuz no one would bother someone who was so silly to let himself fall ill,
And worse still, if you whine for every little thing you don’t get, people will just kick you out of whatever social circle you are in for your childishness.
Now all i want to do is to be a kid again.
......................*sigh*.......................
You used to get this all the time,
“You can do that when you are 18.”
“You can’t do this, you can’t do that; you’re not old enough!”
And we were left in absolute confusion, silently wondering when exactly were we gonna be “old enough”.
Remember how much resentment you felt for adults then, for coming up with so many rules it was just becoming more and more ridiculous and impossible for you to live a free life? We know exactly just how much that feeling sucks. As stinking as it is, parents just can’t help being overprotective toward their offspring, I guess. Ever heard of “No matter how much you’ve grown, you’ll always be our little girl/boy/baby”?
But we were so young, and all we wanted in life was to grow up so that no one can tell us what to and what NOT to do. We thought that “FREEDOM” is such a big word and that it carries such a huge meaning. We were looking for exactly that. Poor us kids, how clueless we were then, we had no idea how much being adults stink twice as much. But who can blame us, they were putting us under curfew and all those ridiculous rules you might as well just go to jail and grow up there.
But what I am trying to say here is, being told that you are not old enough to be doing something is one thing; being told that you are TOO OLD for something is another!
When we were just all-smiles-no-worries happy feet, we were deeply crushed when adults told us we cannot have a pet because we are not old enough to handle such a huge responsibility.
When we are much older, nobody would ever tell us we are too big for bottles and playgrounds; we just kinda stopped on our own accord. When the time comes, we just know when to stop doing certain things, simply because IT’S NOT MATURE.
But we know some things are okay for all ages, for example,
ice cream.
Nobody is too old for ice cream.
Nobody WOULD EVER be too old for any kind of food.
It’s a simple indulgence everyone has the right to enjoy.
Though the taste may become more mature, (for example, as a kid, you used to like those colorful, sugary, simply-zero-nutrient ice pops, but now that you can afford it, you crave for those rich Belgian chocolate guilty pleasures from Haagen-Dazs), the subject is still ICE CREAM.
Back to the subject when we were all claimed to be "Not Old Enough", do these lines sound familiar??
Before you were 14, you weren’t allowed to wander around without holding mommy’s hand,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 16, you weren’t allowed to have boyfriends,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 17, you weren’t allowed to drive,
Why?
Because YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH
Before you were 18, you weren’t allowed to watch racy scenes or 18SX movies,
Why?
I SAID, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH.!!!
But once you are 18, although you are now eligible to do most of the things you so badly wanted to do as a kid, you have to admit, you don’t feel like doing all of that anymore. You seem to have even forgotten what you were dying and planned to do once you come off age.
Although most of the restrictions set for you during your childhood years has now been lifted, there are still A LOT of things you CAN NO LONGER do as a young adult.
Now you find yourself wishing you had enjoyed your childhood times even more, because then, you were so focused of doing something you couldn’t do rather than enjoying to the fullest what you actually could.
Now,
You wish you had more time on the slides and swings;
You wish you played with your dolls more;
You wish you spent most of the hot afternoons going all-bare and run in your underwear across the sprinkler-washed lawn:
You wish you played more in the rain until you caught a cold because then everyone would make such a big fuss over you and pamper you like a princess;
You wish you cried and whined more because you know people will actually pay attention to your every silly woe then;
But now that you are older,
If you get on the swings and slides together with other children, you will only get stares and even glares from parents,
If you play with your dollies and make up silly dialogues among them people would label you crackers,
If you go around dancing in the rain half-naked the police will throw you into jail,
If you play in the rain and get sick you will have to fend for yourself cuz no one would bother someone who was so silly to let himself fall ill,
And worse still, if you whine for every little thing you don’t get, people will just kick you out of whatever social circle you are in for your childishness.
Now all i want to do is to be a kid again.
......................*sigh*.......................
Thursday, June 4, 2009
of Joe and Miley
I was just on youtube when i found this shocking, if not gross video of JOE JONAS dancing to Beyonce's "Single Ladies", in a one piece skin tight leotard complete with high heels!! It's a 4-minute clip, and the first few seconds put me in a laughing fit, alright. But after a minute or so, it's just not funny anymore. I find it kinda like, "God,when is this gonna be over?!". I also watched this so called personal video of Miley Cyrus and her bestie, Mandy, goofing around in Miley's room dancing, doing handstands and silly faces and though it IS pretty amazing that a famous celeb like her is not afraid of showing such a raw and goofy side of her to the WHOLE WORLD, so vulnerable, bare (i mean without makeup or nice wardrobe whatsoever) and well, true, i still couldnt help thinking, "Man, aren't these people famous enough to do such a thing to gain more attention? They are like, Disney's most-lovable golden kids, they have three quarter of the world swooning over them and would kill to see them, and they are still doing this?" But it later dawned on me that they probably did these silly vids and posted it on youtube FOR the fans, not TO GET more fans. It's just like a very real gift to their supporters and close-to-heart fans by sharing and letting their fans know and see a little bit of their true side, and to prove that they too, have a normal life like other kids. It kinda gives the fans something to feel proud for, i guess, to know that even their star idols do the same thing they do. Even I cant help but LOVE the Miley and Mandy show for its mere craziness of two BFF's and the rawness of it all. It's so...PURE and HONEST. I guess being young make them understand that kids just wanna have fun and that it's okay to pull this quirky face, clothes and accent for the world to see and that there's nothing to be ashamed of.
But that doesnt usually happen to adult celebs. They worry too much about their appearance, how they walk, eat and dress up and would never be caught dead leaving the house without makeup that most of the time is just plain FAKE. But isnt that what the world is full of these days? Fakes, immitators, hypocrites.
I think they got a thing or two to be learnt from these kids.
And by the way, if that is how grownups behave, i dont thing i will ever want to grow up.
But that doesnt usually happen to adult celebs. They worry too much about their appearance, how they walk, eat and dress up and would never be caught dead leaving the house without makeup that most of the time is just plain FAKE. But isnt that what the world is full of these days? Fakes, immitators, hypocrites.
I think they got a thing or two to be learnt from these kids.
And by the way, if that is how grownups behave, i dont thing i will ever want to grow up.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
=( one concert missed.
mraz.
n to the ppl who did mke it there, congratulations.
i'm frickin jealous.
anyways, smlm the bus trip home was pretty nice.
though kpale agak pening sbb i got the last seat at the very back.
dpt plak dok sblh sorang mamat ni.
first time taw.
cute plak tuh.
mule2 agak x slesa but he got all nice and chatty with me,
so i started to ease up a bit and layan je la die borak.
senior aku rupenye.
student uum jugak.
dah la dok kolej sblh aku je...
apsal xpnah nmpk pon...???
unfortunately, he's in his second last sem...
i dozed off a few times,
and everytime the bus stopped somewhere,
brader tu msti trun g toilet.
da sampai kat KT station pn die g toilet lagih!!!
xtahan sejuk katenye.lol
yela, aircond aku sume tale kat die...
pengorbanan sorang stranger...ahahhaa
sembang baek punya, name bleh plak xsmpt tanye,..
aku target nk tnye name n mntk number die b4 trun bas...
tp time tu die da tuka tmpat kat depan..
sbb nk sembang ngan pakcik tu..
sblh pkcik tu kosong...
owhh brader tu sgt sweet la..
baek je ngan owg tue...*swoon*
ktowg smpai KT awal..kul 5...
mase tu my parents da ade kat sane..
so mase trun da xjumpe abg tuh...
luckily i saw him heading towards the toilet(again)..
so lps ltk beg lam kete,i said i wanted to go to the ladies'..
sbnrnye nk buy some time to meet that bro again...lol...excuse je...
da kua toilet, still xnmpk die jugak...
da nk frust da..chewahh...
then last2 nmpk die jgk..lambai2 sket...
tp mase tu mcm da agak jao..
not within a talking distance laa..
so xsmpt la jugak nk tnye name die...
pas aku masok kete, die dgn shy2 nye waved lagi...=)
hohO...the friendliest companion i've ever had on a bus...
ishh...knapela xtanye name die awal2...
bengong kan??!
rase cam nak bang my head kat dinding je...
erghhh!!!
so skg ni i'm counting solely on chance n luck..
hopefully dpt jumpe "brader toilet" tuh lagik...hehe
mungkinkah???
*pinjam ayat Rangga lam videoclip CT -->
"walau xmampu lafaz salam perpisahan,
pasti kukira detik bertemu lg..."
whoa...it's ugly when i get all mushy n corny rite??? xpe..kadang kale jer...ngee ^_^
mraz.
n to the ppl who did mke it there, congratulations.
i'm frickin jealous.
anyways, smlm the bus trip home was pretty nice.
though kpale agak pening sbb i got the last seat at the very back.
dpt plak dok sblh sorang mamat ni.
first time taw.
cute plak tuh.
mule2 agak x slesa but he got all nice and chatty with me,
so i started to ease up a bit and layan je la die borak.
senior aku rupenye.
student uum jugak.
dah la dok kolej sblh aku je...
apsal xpnah nmpk pon...???
unfortunately, he's in his second last sem...
i dozed off a few times,
and everytime the bus stopped somewhere,
brader tu msti trun g toilet.
da sampai kat KT station pn die g toilet lagih!!!
xtahan sejuk katenye.lol
yela, aircond aku sume tale kat die...
pengorbanan sorang stranger...ahahhaa
sembang baek punya, name bleh plak xsmpt tanye,..
aku target nk tnye name n mntk number die b4 trun bas...
tp time tu die da tuka tmpat kat depan..
sbb nk sembang ngan pakcik tu..
sblh pkcik tu kosong...
owhh brader tu sgt sweet la..
baek je ngan owg tue...*swoon*
ktowg smpai KT awal..kul 5...
mase tu my parents da ade kat sane..
so mase trun da xjumpe abg tuh...
luckily i saw him heading towards the toilet(again)..
so lps ltk beg lam kete,i said i wanted to go to the ladies'..
sbnrnye nk buy some time to meet that bro again...lol...excuse je...
da kua toilet, still xnmpk die jugak...
da nk frust da..chewahh...
then last2 nmpk die jgk..lambai2 sket...
tp mase tu mcm da agak jao..
not within a talking distance laa..
so xsmpt la jugak nk tnye name die...
pas aku masok kete, die dgn shy2 nye waved lagi...=)
hohO...the friendliest companion i've ever had on a bus...
ishh...knapela xtanye name die awal2...
bengong kan??!
rase cam nak bang my head kat dinding je...
erghhh!!!
so skg ni i'm counting solely on chance n luck..
hopefully dpt jumpe "brader toilet" tuh lagik...hehe
mungkinkah???
*pinjam ayat Rangga lam videoclip CT -->
"walau xmampu lafaz salam perpisahan,
pasti kukira detik bertemu lg..."
whoa...it's ugly when i get all mushy n corny rite??? xpe..kadang kale jer...ngee ^_^
Monday, March 2, 2009
Jealousy...appropriate or not?
I just got back from town. I finally got a ticket to go home this 7th. Phew. Only..i dont feel very much relieved. I went out with a close guy friend of mine, since the others have morning classes, so i needed someone to accompany me out. The problem is, this guy is close to another girl, which is also his crush whom he's trying to approach. I'm not sure of their relationship status right now, but i think the girl's got something for this guy as well. One more thing that i am aware of is that they are not an item. Yet.
Well, not that i care or anything.
It's just that i wasnt sure if the girl would be jealous of me going out alone with that guy this morning, so i was kinda uncomfortable. I might have chosen someone else to go out with should everyone else is available, but since he's the one left, and i'm close to him, i just thought it would be easier to go out with him because i'm not awkward around him. Anyways, he OFFERED to accompany me when i passed him the signal that i would be going out alone. GIRL TALK TRANSLATION : I want someone to accompany me. He understood, so he offered. Well, it kinda goes the other way around, really. It was really me who asked him to be my companion for this morning, but i said it indirectly.
So when we arrived back in campus, the guy showed me a text message the girl sent him. Whoa, girlfriend-to-be jealousy alert. Mayday2. I'm in trouble. Looks like she's freakin' jealous. Oh wow. I knew this would happen. And the girl's my own friend. Great. Just great.
Actually, it's almost 12 noon. I got class with my crush at 12.30. I'd better think of him rather than the building guilt which will only disturb me.
Rushing there, see ya!
Well, not that i care or anything.
It's just that i wasnt sure if the girl would be jealous of me going out alone with that guy this morning, so i was kinda uncomfortable. I might have chosen someone else to go out with should everyone else is available, but since he's the one left, and i'm close to him, i just thought it would be easier to go out with him because i'm not awkward around him. Anyways, he OFFERED to accompany me when i passed him the signal that i would be going out alone. GIRL TALK TRANSLATION : I want someone to accompany me. He understood, so he offered. Well, it kinda goes the other way around, really. It was really me who asked him to be my companion for this morning, but i said it indirectly.
So when we arrived back in campus, the guy showed me a text message the girl sent him. Whoa, girlfriend-to-be jealousy alert. Mayday2. I'm in trouble. Looks like she's freakin' jealous. Oh wow. I knew this would happen. And the girl's my own friend. Great. Just great.
Actually, it's almost 12 noon. I got class with my crush at 12.30. I'd better think of him rather than the building guilt which will only disturb me.
Rushing there, see ya!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Unbelievably dumb
i am officially announcing myself as a computer-programming-dumpster brain. 15 out of 40???? talk about dumb and dumberer. i'm definitely the latter. i have no idea it can be that hard to instruct a computer to do tasks for you. No wonder my pc always go nuts. must be something wrong with the coding. *sigh*
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
In a hopeless suffocating frenzy
I cant describe how hectic and packed my schedule is for the rest of this semester. Last semester, I'm all laidback and so assignment-free. But this time i almost never spent more than 6 hours in my room! I'm constantly out and about and there's always something for me to do. But i'm not complaining. Really. I'm just too tired mentally as well as physically that i just have to express it for once. I started this semester off by aiming big, vowed to be more active outside lectures, and maintain my past exam grade since it was undeniably good. (it's high time i praise my good job) Anyways, i became more alert to the announcements, memos and competitions of all sorts that are on the notice boards throughout the campus. i joined a lot of things in the past 2 months and am actually happy being such a busy2 bee. Although, at most times, it drained my energy and killed my precious study times. But i found ways to back the lost study hours up and surprisingly, after all these years, i finally truly and whole-heartedly agree that TIME IS GOLD, and i see why. I am also doing this to test my limits and abilities, i guess. Like, i wanna see at which point will i feel that this is way too much and just want to stop doing whatever it is that i am doing. i wanna see when i will feel like truly exploding, so until then, i'm keeping every position, workload and projects i have in hand. I did a volunteer job to raise funds for Palestine during the Israel's attack on Gaza (yep, i waited at a public spot with a donation box!), i went for an interview for the university's counselling center and got through the 3 agonising stages (and the result of selection is still yet to be announced),i accepted an offer from my crush to be his upcoming project's treasurer, and the latest is helping my pals out to organize a live band performance for charity purposes. for each job and responsibility i've held, there's a different story for each one of them. But that will be posted much2 later after all these craziness ends. I'm actually in the midst of midsemester exams, i just finished the programming paper just now, all those computer codings and charts used to freak me out, but alhamdulillah it went well. I didnt do too good in my calculus and linear algebra papers, so i'm trying to focus more on those since the finals is in less than two months time. I'm still somewhat balanced, i think. Pray that i dont lose my balance and fall flat on my face because honestly, i'm enjoying being an activist. Love it,love it, love it!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
people ranking on my important list
The 2nd part
(the first part = coming soon)
i've never really been a picture person. in fact, i am not a fan of paragraphs either. i am known to cram lines upon lines of words into one. but recently, i learnt that while it is true that blogs are meant to be stuffed with words, it's also okay to slip in a few pixies once in a while too. so now for this special edition entry, i'm unwinding a little so my readers wont get dizzy. a nice eye-candy, too, dont u think? maybe i'll start balancing between photos and words in my entries to come.
the ever so jambu Bally and us girls on ponggal nite. he's cute!
part of the threesome sistaz. Mashie n me trying to look seductive.
the other part of the threesome. I hug u ain!! i deserve a hug back! lol
.jpg)
my present roommate, Fafau. She didnt request a special appearance
and last but not least, i shall never leave out this cute-as-button lil thing... she is
(the first part = coming soon)
i've never really been a picture person. in fact, i am not a fan of paragraphs either. i am known to cram lines upon lines of words into one. but recently, i learnt that while it is true that blogs are meant to be stuffed with words, it's also okay to slip in a few pixies once in a while too. so now for this special edition entry, i'm unwinding a little so my readers wont get dizzy. a nice eye-candy, too, dont u think? maybe i'll start balancing between photos and words in my entries to come.
the ever so jambu Bally and us girls on ponggal nite. he's cute!
part of the threesome sistaz. Mashie n me trying to look seductive.
the other part of the threesome. I hug u ain!! i deserve a hug back! lol.jpg)
my present roommate, Fafau. She didnt request a special appearance
whatsoever, but since she mentioned about me and put my pic in her newly-
set-up blog,i think i should return the favor.Next to her is Bruno Josh,
also a friend of ours, and i just think he needs to be appeared here
and receive extra credits just for being cute and beautify my page! ^_^
and last but not least, i shall never leave out this cute-as-button lil thing... she is
now officially the apple of my eye...wish she's mine!! lol
there's still lots more important faces to come...so for those not shown here, dont worry, u'll be one of these days!
coming soon...
Part 2(ii)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Blank Pages...
Blank pages used to give me a sort of a rush of emotion and wild ideas to spread all over; it always is an amazing feeling to have the whole page to myself, like I own the whole thing and am free to write anything. But now all it does is scares me. Now i will look at the white spread before me and stare. Just look at it and see it staring back at me with blinking eyes, or in this case, cursor. I have a passion for writing, because i think it’s one of the few things i know how to do, but i’m not sure i have the right things to produce a good and useful stuff, and i mean stuff that is actually read by people. But i still write, although at times i am at a loss for words, and half of the time i don’t even know what i am writing about. I realize that people write most meaningfully when they are in the deepest of emotions. They let what they feel run through them, out of their fingertips and flow right onto the page. I try to gather what inspires these people to write and understand why they write what they write about, and i finally understood that you need to be honest when writing, since that’s the only way you would be able to reach out to your readers’ hearts. Now, i’m not exactly one of those people you call bloggers, because bloggers to me are actually those who write something interesting and are amazing word-stringers and have their own avid followers who practically anticipate their next entry just so their days would be complete. Just like a good cup of coffee, once you had them, you’re just hungry for more and when you don’t have it, you’ll feel incomplete. But me, i’m just a beginner at all these word stuff and am mainly writing because i see blogs as a digital diary or journal. So when i write, i am truly, abso-tively posi-lutely true and honest to myself because after all, it IS my online diary. I once received a comment by this older reader i knew from Nubhan FC website, (yep, i am a member, go on, make fun of me...) and she said she likes my blog because it’s so honest. Well, if you insist, i’m more than happy to admit so.
So, back to my boring university life. Four days ago, i arranged to meet with the dean of the arts and sciences college to settle the problem with my second semester schedule. He was supposed to be the one whom students should seek help from should they have any problems during the add/drop week. So i kinda had this huge confusion threatening to block my head because all the management thing got mixed up and i got all the wrong infos so to put it in short, i was shocked and devastated to find that i am not qualified to add or drop my subjects like the others. Now the dean is not really of the stuck-up species, and my mum told me he’s a nice guy before we even came face to face. She should know; she already talked on the phone with him. In fact, she was the one who called him on his personal mobile to see if he was in so i could meet up with him personally because the problem i faced was pretty serious, according to me. Even if i did say so myself.
When i reached his office, it was edging lunchtime, but there was a long queue outside his room, and so i joined the line and saw that we were all standing right in the middle of the doorway of his office and we could see and hear every student’s encounter with him. Upon reaching his doorway, and caught a few glimpses of the conversation of the other students before me, who were mostly Chinese, i felt downright ashamed for making such a big deal out of my problem when clearly, everyone else there had a much bigger ones to worry about. I felt myself shrinking with shame for being such a baby and fusser. Everyone else looked much older than me and obviously m problem didn’t even match theirs. But i was already there, so there was no backing out. So i just walked in when it was my turn, i put my best smile and most polite voice on, and turned into the-pleasant-student-every-lecturer-will-adore mode. He was a bit tensed, as i could see, and not a glimpse of a smile could be detected on his tight face. His expression wasn’t exactly one of the stern ones, it was more of let’s-get-this-over-with-once-and-for-all-coz-i-need-to-be-home-by-lunchtime kind of thing. So it was all very fast, really. We got down to business and settled the whole thing in less than 5 minutes. Impressive. when we were done, the dean asked me “is that it?” with what i swear to be a smirk. It’s as if, he couldn’t believe i got my mum to call him for this as it turned out to be nothing serious at all. Ouch. Boy, was i embarrassed. I should really learn not to make such a big fuss out of anything anymore in the future. It just made me feel all the sillier.Silly2 me.Well,it wasn’t really the way i imagined it, but at the very least, i get to fix my time table so that it’s now much better than the former one.
Now, switching to a different story, if there is one thing i like to do during the short bus ride to and from classes, it’s eyeing and observing people on it. Especially when i am among the first who got in, i just love peering at every single person who’ve just boarded the bus. Sometimes i had to stifle a giggle when i catch something unusual, like this one Chinese guy with a very lanky posture; he must have the most outstanding hairdo of all. I mean, it’s all sharply spiked and pokes out in every direction. And then, there’s also the various, ever-“creative” ways of dress ups. You know how when a person just doesn’t have the “figure” to carry certain pieces of attire, it will only make them look ridiculous and screams “you-are-just-trying-too-hard-to-stand-out”? Yeah, well, i get that a lot. Funny where they got their dress codes and style guru from. I mean, i’m sorry, but i just HAVE to judge people upon the first time seeing them. Well, it’s not the kind of judgment regarding their inner attitude or anything like that; it’s more of a “what-the-hell-were-ya-thinking?” kind of judgment. Yep, i might have been trying too hard at pulling off certain items myself, but none of it can ever beat the ridiculousness of the outfits of these people! They’re all nuts! One girl can be undeniably cute in a piece of shirtdress, but the other can be the laughing stock by trying to pull off the same outfit. Well, you get the idea.
Anyways, this one Chinese girl i saw on the bus ride home yesterday has got to be the only person who has ever left me so curious in the history of all bus rides. It’s not her looks, it’s not her outfit, but it’s what she was carrying that shocked me the most. It was a plastic see-through tumbler filled with white flowers with those yellow middles drowned in clear liquid! The flowers were the size of a 50 cent coin, all floating mysteriously in the water. I’m guessing it was tea, just like chrysanthemum tea or rose tea, and tea made of flowers are nothing new, but this was real flowers with petals and all! I was filled with a surge of wanting to ask her badly what kind of drink was that and how could she drink that stuff, but of course, i stopped myself.
My whole surrounding is filled with weirdos, most of the times, they eft me questioning their existence and why they do what they do. I guess we all want a place for ourselves in the world, although we are all blessed with our own positions, we still want to stand out just because. Maybe we think that the place we are blessed with is not high enough for people to see us, so we do things to raise the place we are standing at so we appear taller and people would be able to see us more clearly. Perceptions, perceptions, perceptions. I'll never know for sure, but at least, i think that's why we humans just love to outdo and outsmart each other at everything. That is also the whole reason why rivalry and competitions exist. Because we want to be heard, to be noticed. And as for the reason why i blog although there are already a load of other bloggers around? Simple. I'm not blogging to stand out; i'm blogging because i have nowhere else to pour my words to.
So, back to my boring university life. Four days ago, i arranged to meet with the dean of the arts and sciences college to settle the problem with my second semester schedule. He was supposed to be the one whom students should seek help from should they have any problems during the add/drop week. So i kinda had this huge confusion threatening to block my head because all the management thing got mixed up and i got all the wrong infos so to put it in short, i was shocked and devastated to find that i am not qualified to add or drop my subjects like the others. Now the dean is not really of the stuck-up species, and my mum told me he’s a nice guy before we even came face to face. She should know; she already talked on the phone with him. In fact, she was the one who called him on his personal mobile to see if he was in so i could meet up with him personally because the problem i faced was pretty serious, according to me. Even if i did say so myself.
When i reached his office, it was edging lunchtime, but there was a long queue outside his room, and so i joined the line and saw that we were all standing right in the middle of the doorway of his office and we could see and hear every student’s encounter with him. Upon reaching his doorway, and caught a few glimpses of the conversation of the other students before me, who were mostly Chinese, i felt downright ashamed for making such a big deal out of my problem when clearly, everyone else there had a much bigger ones to worry about. I felt myself shrinking with shame for being such a baby and fusser. Everyone else looked much older than me and obviously m problem didn’t even match theirs. But i was already there, so there was no backing out. So i just walked in when it was my turn, i put my best smile and most polite voice on, and turned into the-pleasant-student-every-lecturer-will-adore mode. He was a bit tensed, as i could see, and not a glimpse of a smile could be detected on his tight face. His expression wasn’t exactly one of the stern ones, it was more of let’s-get-this-over-with-once-and-for-all-coz-i-need-to-be-home-by-lunchtime kind of thing. So it was all very fast, really. We got down to business and settled the whole thing in less than 5 minutes. Impressive. when we were done, the dean asked me “is that it?” with what i swear to be a smirk. It’s as if, he couldn’t believe i got my mum to call him for this as it turned out to be nothing serious at all. Ouch. Boy, was i embarrassed. I should really learn not to make such a big fuss out of anything anymore in the future. It just made me feel all the sillier.Silly2 me.Well,it wasn’t really the way i imagined it, but at the very least, i get to fix my time table so that it’s now much better than the former one.
Now, switching to a different story, if there is one thing i like to do during the short bus ride to and from classes, it’s eyeing and observing people on it. Especially when i am among the first who got in, i just love peering at every single person who’ve just boarded the bus. Sometimes i had to stifle a giggle when i catch something unusual, like this one Chinese guy with a very lanky posture; he must have the most outstanding hairdo of all. I mean, it’s all sharply spiked and pokes out in every direction. And then, there’s also the various, ever-“creative” ways of dress ups. You know how when a person just doesn’t have the “figure” to carry certain pieces of attire, it will only make them look ridiculous and screams “you-are-just-trying-too-hard-to-stand-out”? Yeah, well, i get that a lot. Funny where they got their dress codes and style guru from. I mean, i’m sorry, but i just HAVE to judge people upon the first time seeing them. Well, it’s not the kind of judgment regarding their inner attitude or anything like that; it’s more of a “what-the-hell-were-ya-thinking?” kind of judgment. Yep, i might have been trying too hard at pulling off certain items myself, but none of it can ever beat the ridiculousness of the outfits of these people! They’re all nuts! One girl can be undeniably cute in a piece of shirtdress, but the other can be the laughing stock by trying to pull off the same outfit. Well, you get the idea.
Anyways, this one Chinese girl i saw on the bus ride home yesterday has got to be the only person who has ever left me so curious in the history of all bus rides. It’s not her looks, it’s not her outfit, but it’s what she was carrying that shocked me the most. It was a plastic see-through tumbler filled with white flowers with those yellow middles drowned in clear liquid! The flowers were the size of a 50 cent coin, all floating mysteriously in the water. I’m guessing it was tea, just like chrysanthemum tea or rose tea, and tea made of flowers are nothing new, but this was real flowers with petals and all! I was filled with a surge of wanting to ask her badly what kind of drink was that and how could she drink that stuff, but of course, i stopped myself.
My whole surrounding is filled with weirdos, most of the times, they eft me questioning their existence and why they do what they do. I guess we all want a place for ourselves in the world, although we are all blessed with our own positions, we still want to stand out just because. Maybe we think that the place we are blessed with is not high enough for people to see us, so we do things to raise the place we are standing at so we appear taller and people would be able to see us more clearly. Perceptions, perceptions, perceptions. I'll never know for sure, but at least, i think that's why we humans just love to outdo and outsmart each other at everything. That is also the whole reason why rivalry and competitions exist. Because we want to be heard, to be noticed. And as for the reason why i blog although there are already a load of other bloggers around? Simple. I'm not blogging to stand out; i'm blogging because i have nowhere else to pour my words to.
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