When all those tight-knitted and whatever close cousins of yours have all slowly grown up and got married one after another, you can't help feeling a little bit left out.
At least when you are the only child and the only people closest to siblings that you ever had are your cousins, it does feel that way.
The third wedding of my cousin from my mom's side was just over the last 2 days. It seems like every year, 1 cousin would get married and would be bringing their newborn on the next family wedding. Really, as much as i enjoy seeing them found their eternal lives, i still couldnt help but wonder when and how things will turn out for me in the end.
Things are just different when your closest cousins have settled down and have kids; you no longer have that much time to go all crazy-talk with them, all those late night movie-watching - just gone. Suddenly in its place is babies crying, babies this, babies that. It's not that i hate those little tots, they are the best thing that ever happen to me, god bless them both, Baby Wana & Baby Naqib, but it's just so heartbreaking to see all these people once so close to you all moved on and have an actual life when all you are in right now is a huge pile of mess. You can neither go in or get out. You're just stuck between real life and doom. I have an eternity in front of me waiting to be discovered, still so much to be learned, so many people to get to know, so much...life. But i think that's just exactly what i'm missing. Life.
I dont have a life.
Unless if you call waking up at 11 during the hols, straight away have brunch, watch tv, read some novels and surfing some websites is a life, then i have a life.
But i doubt that.
Life, just like love, is such a big word with an even huge-r meaning. But i cant seem to get to the depth of it.
Let's review, shall we?
Well, I dont have a secret admirer, i live in a dead village with not so much as a place for teens like me to hang out and have FUN, i have no friends back at home, i dont go out much, there's not even a cinema to catch the latest movies in, no malls, no bowling arcades whatsoever, no place selling the kind of food i actually eat and the kind of apparel i actually wear.
Really, this is just the beginning of my whole, pathetic, no-life life.
Somehow, weddings just got me crankier in the end.
Or in other words, it just makes me jealous because other people have found their life and i dont.
I cant believe how much my life (IF it even deserves to be called that) sucks.
But i cant complain, i'm stuck here anyway, remember?
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