girls and their insecurities

sometimes in the midst of all the craziness threatening to pull me apart, i stop and think of all the wonderful people i have come across in my life and then i will resume my journey, knowing that i'll never ever breakdown, not with this bunch around. i does kill me at times knowing that i've tried so hard and never got any further. i lack all the great features and abilities and i missed out on a lot of wonderful experiences as a child, and even as a growing teenager, i still feel i'm all holes. but to compare myself with others is of course, a stupid thing to do, because it does nothing but tear me even worse and it wont get me anywhere. so instead of mourning over some stupid issue i know will never be solved, i try to cherish all those people i admire and smile at thier blessed qualities. sometimes i even find myself ogling at a hot girl like a guy normally would, and at first i began to ridiculously think that i have interest for the same sex. i soon realize that i am not jealous of them, just feeling really happy inside and marveling at the fine creation of god. i now enjoy seeing people do things that they are really born to do, and it makes me wonder what am i born to do exactly. i still cant figure that out, and i feel happy for those who have ound theirs.
when you find this complete box of colour pencils to color your life, you wont ever want to lend them to others for fear of losing even one shade of colour. Your friends make up that box of color pencils, and when you treasure them with all your heart, you never want to let go. now i even think i can live without ever getting married to some guy i never knew existed who might bore me after some 10 years or so as long as i have all my buddies around to love me. its all i need in life. at least for now.