bleak spirit

perhaps i've wasted half of my life being too ungrateful.
i forgot that i have these amazing girls and guys who secretly have my back come rain or thunder.
no worries, i have my umbrella.
it's not that i dont crave for a boyfriend, but i guess for the moment, i just need my pals more.
not that i have anyone in particular who's been eyeing me since my first year in uni.
i wonder how that feels like.
at times, i fret ridiculously about my uninteresting wardrobe and how on earth i am to impress a guy with those boring pieces when i'm not convinced myself.
i may have the largest fashion magazine collection in town, but it doesnt help if i am a boring person myself.
i can hang out with the glitziest stars in hollywood, but i doubt it will make me look somewhat cool.
i can have all the makeovers i need in the world - braces for straighter teeth, rebonding for ramrod straight hair, creams and makeups for a faux beauty, but it wont change who i am inside.
well,i may get that extra boost of confidence to strut around in my new skin, but it's not me.
it wont be who i was born as.
it's not who i am friends with, and it's not about my umbrellas either.
it's who i wanna be and how i feel about it.
i gotta change how i feel about myself, but somehow, all those body peace treaty that Seventeen claims to be successful is not working its magic on me.
hmm. i wonder why.